A little gruff humour

All examples of expenses taken from an article in The Times at the weekend which summarized the most recent of the MP expense claims to have been revealed by The Telegraph.

A Message from your MP


I want a floating duck house
I need to clear my moat
I have to mend my tennis court
That’s why I need your vote.

I have to build a portico
My swimming pool needs mending
My lovely plants need horse manure
And the Aga needs much tending

A chandelier is vital
Mock Tudor boards are great
My hanging baskets won awards
And I’ve earned a tax rebate.

I need a glitter toilet seat.
My piano so needs tuning
Maltesers help me stay awake
And my orchard must need pruning

I could have said the rules were wrong
And often thought I should,
But somehow it was easier
To profit whilst I could

The public really have to see
That the rules are there to test
And that by ripping off the taxpayer
We were merely doing our best

The Speaker of the House became
Our sacrificial beast,
But the public are still braying for
More corpses at the feast.

What do the public want from us,
Those vote-wielding ingrates?
They really should be grateful
To be financing our estates.

Sucking dry state coffers
Is so very much in fashion that
It seemed a shame to miss the chance
To join the trend with passion

The message is so clear, you see,
(We merely learned it late):
That the British way of living
Is to screw the bloody state.
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